How I Was Able to be Delivered From My Hatred of the Church and Christians
Yesterday evening, my wife, Martha received a long- awaited breakthrough. Her husband, Ken David Stewart agreed to attend the spiritual gifts training session at a wonderful church in Winnipeg. I don’t feel comfortable naming the church right now because I don’t have permission from the pastor. This occasion was a powerful breakthrough for both me and my wife. Her prayers regarding my refusal to go to any Christian functions had finally been resolved.
Why did it take six years? Actually, it was more than six years of living in Egypt or in the wilderness. I suffer from long periods of clinical depression. During these painful times of my life, I sink deeper and deeper into spiritual darkness and often wish that I were dead. I go into my cave. I don’t want to be bothered by anyone. My whole life appears hopeless. I fall back into my numerous addictions while I’m in this dark spiritual state. The country singer Hank Williams wrote a classic gospel song called I Saw the Light. Hank later admitted that his problem was that he did not see the light. Mr. Williams had quite accurately assessed my spiritual state while in the darkness and bondage to demonic oppression.
While many people don’t understand my journeys into oblivion, my wife does. She knows that this pitiful horrible state is not where I want to be. During these times, I find it difficult just to get off the couch. These times, in the spiritual wilderness and darkness may last from one month to four months. Physical challenges are usually not far behind. I will often contract a bronchial infection or an exacerbation of my COPD. During my time on my white sofa, I usually do nothing more than watch true crime stories on TV, especially the programs dealing with serial killers such as Charles Manson, Ed Gein. John Wayne Gacey, Aileen Wournos and Ted Bundy. God can redeem this time in the future by giving me a prison ministry.
I’m presently 67 years old and I really don’t want to pass on anytime soon. Some may say that sounds like a horrible thing to say. Sure, I’d rather be with Jesus but right now I’m, enjoying myself. Life is just too good now since my recent breakthrough. The Lord has revived me enough to start engaging in lay community ministry. My left knee is still hampering me from leaving my house on many occasions. A recent x-ray has confirmed that I have severe arthritis in my left knee. I can now only walk a short distance without the assistance with the assistance of an off -loader knee brace and a cane. I will be consulting with my surgeon, Dr. Balageorge, in order to explore my treatment options.
In the meantime, I will continue to praise Jesus. Thank you Jesus for healing my knee 2000 years ago. As I struggle upstairs using my arms and hands for leverage, I keep repeating, aloud, I am healed. There is nothing wrong with my knee, by His stripes I am healed. In His own time, the Lord will give me the manifestation of my healing. I do not doubt this.
My apologies for going down another rabbit hole. This is my tendency when I am writing my blog or doing a podcast.
As my clinical episode of depression gradually faded away, I slowly began to enjoy a few things in life. How do I get out of this horrible debilitating depression? I don’t know. It was nothing that I did or didn’t do. My theory is that I had some very strong prayer warriors out there took my case to the courts of heaven. Jesus declared me not guilty and told me that I was once again a free man.
On Thursday, September 19, 2019. Martha and I attended training session on using the spiritual gifts. The training was led by a very anointed pastor. As the pastor was trying to start the evening’s program, the church’s audio system was having serious sound issues. I, and three other people volunteered to see what we can do to solve the audio system problem. We all tried different fixes without success. I then decided to ask the Holy Spirit to help. Within a minute or two, one of the volunteers found a way to get the sound system functioning. I often use this technique at home. If I tried fixing something and have exhausted my supply of practical knowledge, I will ask the Holy Spirit to solve the problem and He usually comes through. We watched a video by Shawn Boltz. After a short break, the pastor broke us up into small groups. During our first session, a lady gave me a powerful word of knowledge concerning how I am perceived by strangers. It was a hard word, but I told her that the word was very accurate. This lady was saying that I showed a very hard exterior to most people. She also said that I did not appear to like people. I told her that this was very true. My small group then prayed for me. As I was walking towards the foyer of the church, a different lady offered to pray for me. She prayed for my arthritic knee. Her prayer was much appreciated.
Next I looked towards the back of the sanctuary and saw the pastor and another lady having a conversation. I was led to ask for a powerful Holy Spirit prayer. Fortunately for me they agreed. I disclosed to them not only my obvious arthritic pain, but also for a change of attitude. A real attitude adjustment towards the church and other brothers and sisters took place. The irony is that I am a believer, myself. I am saved, spirit filled, talk in tongues, receive words of knowledge and visions from the Lord. The whole nine yards.